Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Under Streetlights


Blinking lights


Shrinking stars


Pavement looks behind


Miles left back,


Miles in front


A stranger comes to mind.


He, toothless, grins at


Shameless fate


An unheard malaise peeps.


In tattered clothes


With peace at feet


A naked beggar sleeps.



12 comments:

ad libber said...

All the while I read it, I kept on thinking, this poem would have been so great if I had had to write a critical appreciation on it in my elective English classes. The rhyming scheme would easily have been worth one paragraph.
"He, toothless, grins at.." loses out on the pace of the poem, Making the structure slightly more uneven. Otherwise, the last paragraph stands out beautifully.

What's In A Name ? said...

#A.L- Very Good! It seems you are as fastidious with rhyming meter as myself. So, your point has hit home since I knew exactly where the rhyme was breached. Thanks for pointing it out though. A change will follow.

ad libber said...

Did you remove the comma from "he toothless"? The comma should be there. Otherwise, its ungrammatical.

What's In A Name ? said...

#AL- I see. How about, " His toothless grins ..." ?? eh ?

Unknown said...

Nah, still too many parameters (i talk like as if i was the love child of bill gates and the author of my class 10 English guidebook, it would have been very interesting to be one though, considering the author was called Jaspal Singh).

Leave it as the original one. It was good enough as it started out.

ad libber said...

btw, tufties is me, ad libber.

What's In A Name ? said...

ahaaa..... Whos's Tufties now ???

What's In A Name ? said...

hmm. Guessed that. And BTB...what's that ??

What's In A Name ? said...

ok. back to the previous Rhyme-rattling form then.

ad libber said...

what is btb?

dreamy said...

I love the last paragraph

ad libber said...

OK, by the bye whats that? whats what? hey, this is an amazing to way to increase comments. Dammit, I should get people to converse on my comment book.